"This time, like all times, is a good one, if we but know what to do with it." Ralph Waldo Emerson
I watched a sci-fi movie a few weeks ago, called 'In time'. The main premise was that time was the only currency everyone had to use - time really was money. Everyone was born with 25 years 'up their sleeve' and on their 24th birthday a counter on their arm started counting down the time: days-hours-minutes, until they would die. Unless they got paid, that is -ie. your paycheck added time to your clock. You could give or recieve time to others and, conversely, your time could also be stolen from you. A coffee might cost 4 minutes. A bus ride 2 hours, or a Mercedes might cost you 100 years. Life was risky - you could be knocked out in a bar and have your time stolen from you.
The storyline, while being your usual Hollywood drivvel, focused on the disparity of the 'haves' and 'have-nots' and this is particularly what fascinated me. The 'haves' moved more slowly, they ate slowly, and, over time, got progressivley bored with their lives. The have-nots lived in varying degress of constant state of anxiety and panic, seeking out the next few minutes or hours in order to prolong their lives beyond the immediate moment. It was kind of an exaggerated verson of how it is, in the real world.
Maybe not so exaggerated.
It's really made me think alot about how I conceptualise my time, and subsequently, how I use it. How irritatingly intertwined time is with money. How the value of having money is that it simply gives us greater choices with what to do with our time. How living in the moment, this moment, right now, is all I really truely have. Yet at the same time I focus on later, tomorrow, next week, next year. And I don't live now because I'm waiting until... [I do the dishes] [I weed the garden] [we pay off the mortgage] [we renovate the kitchen] [we fix the kombi] [we have another child] [the kids leave home] [we retire] [ ...fill in the blank....]. Like in the movie, I live with this counter in my head that continually monitors the passing of time. I always think "If I had that kind of time/money I wouldn't get bored of it like others do..." Who knows..? I can't really say, not having experienced it!
Even still, I have choices, albeit more limited ones.
Right now, I am on maternity leave and have to, very reluctantly, return to work in a few months time. "Have to"- if we want to continue to pay our mortgage, that is. It costs to live on a small acreage in the country. So, do I want to pay the mortgage? Do we want to continue living at Pepperberry Cottage with all that this lifestyle promises? And all the work it needs? ..Well, yes, we do. And because I"m the primary income-earner, Mr Pepper may end up being a stay-at-home dad, which is the next best thing to me being at home full-time. But I struggle with that because I want to be. At home. Full-time. With my baby.
I don't want to end up resenting or regretting choices I've made. I hate how limited my current range of options are. Grrr!
.....Meanwhile, the lotto is going to jackpot at $21 million next Saturday night. Oh, lordy! Must get meself a ticket...